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Lotus and Depression

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Austin Davis was born in Indianapolis, Indiana and now lives in Mesa, Arizona where he is studying creative writing at ASU. He is the author of Lotus & The Apocalypse, a poetry novella out now from Outcast Press. Austin performs his poems all over the country and teaches classes for teens and young adults in using poetry as a tool for bettering mental health.

Austin is the founder of AZ Hugs for the Houseless, Arizona Jews for Justice’s homeless outreach program.

Welcome to the Poets Weave. I'm Romayne Rubinas Dorsey. Austin, what poems have you brought for us today?

LOTUS & DEPRESSION
I.
last night
as I was driving to your apartment
i threw up
whatever was in my stomach
all over the steering wheel
and hit a feral cat
i named her pythagoras
and dug her a grave
with my car keys
next to a patch of purple
wildflowers by the highway
it scared me that I drove away and didn’t cry
II.
what’s the difference
between a handful of benzos
and you holding my face in your hands
and assuring me i’ll be okay?
do you ever feel like
an amoeba in a drop of water on mars
when i’m struggling to keep my eyes open
and you notice how much weight i’ve lost?
III.
i keep thinking i’ll step out
of this rough patch eventually,
but the grass has grown so high,
i can feel it brush along my lips
you don’t like how bony my shoulders are
but we still touch each other sometimes
with the lights off

LOTUS & ANOTHER DAY
At the grocery store
the cashier doesn’t ask how my day is going.
He stares behind me
out the long glass window
and bags my beer.
I don’t ask how he’s doing either.
This morning my little sister brought
a photo of our family at the beach
to her class for show and tell.
Dad is mid-sneeze.
My sister is shaking sand from her hair.
My brother and I stand on our tiptoes,
fighting over who’s taller.
Mom smiles.
In class the kids
pass the pictures
around in a circle,
holding them close
to their little faces,
smudging us with their fingers.
I’m sorry I keep changing the subject.
The sky is falling
more and more
each day
and I’m afraid of what will happen
when I reach
to touch the clouds
and only grab air.

LOTUS & THE HOLIDAZE
5 ft under
ground
the weather
is 3 months
behind
i’m celebrating halloween
while my love
my parents
my friends from high school
the whole world above me
welcomes in the new year
i spit until i make mud
sculpting masks in my hands
and trying on different faces
tonight I’m a vampire
with sticky soil
between my teeth
later I’ll be the devil
or maybe a rabbit
if my horns get too floppy
to be sane
is to find peace
to be alive
is to let go
the way a drunk
falls off a barstool
it happens quick
on accident
half asleep
when the ball drops
all glorious with light
you’ll have your streamers
but i’ll have the worms

LOTUS & …
if it was always night
the crickets
outside our window
would be gluttonous
but i don’t care
you’d still be
in bed
breathing out your nose
on my neck
morning would never come
we wouldn’t have to talk
about the flames
inching up our lawn
or how they’re brighter
than any sunrise
we’ve ever seen

You've been listening to the poetry of Austin Davis on the Poets Weave. I'm Romayne Rubinas Dorsey.

 

Lotus flower

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Austin Davis was born in Indianapolis, Indiana and now lives in Mesa, Arizona where he is studying creative writing at ASU. He is the author of Lotus & The Apocalypse, a poetry novella out now from Outcast Press. Austin performs his poems all over the country and teaches classes for teens and young adults in using poetry as a tool for bettering mental health.

Austin is the founder of AZ Hugs for the Houseless, Arizona Jews for Justice’s homeless outreach program.

On this edition of the Poets Weave, Austin reads "Lotus & Depression," "Lotus & Another Day," "Lotus & Holidaze," and "Lotus..."

You can find Austin on Instagram @austinwdavis1

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